Everyone desires a long lasting relationship but not many are willing to put in what is required to make that happen. A relationship is made up of two individuals and it requires the effort of both parties to make it work. A long lasting relationship is one that has tested trials, pains, love, fire and many others but yet, remain strong. I have seen relationships of 10 years and above still thriving. It doesn't mean there haven't been issues but learning to overcome the issues despite all that happens is what matters the most.
Here are some of the factors that determine a long lasting relationship:
A long lasting relationship requires patience, perseverance, faithfulness and many more to be successful and enviable. It requires time and effort, the question now is, are you willing to pay the sacrifice?
Well this march me and my woman will be for 20 years together, i was 21 when i met her and she was 19. I had lot of experience with woman before her, but not with relationships, and i was the first relationship for my woman as well.
So we were green as grass, we had no plan, no goal, no strategy, no money and we both where in a impossible situation, but still we only had one thing in our mind, we wanted to be together no matter what.
We both grew up in the Netherlands, but our background was from different cultures, she Cambodian and i from Suriname. In fact she was the first Cambodian woman who when with a colored guy, here in the Dutch Cambodian community.
And the price she had to paid was that the community did not accept her and me in the community or the family, she was cast away like she did something wrong, while she only wanted to be with me.
I on the other hand was also stuck with people from my community or family, who also did not accept her in some way. They never said it, but there behavior showed there true intention.
What led to that me and my woman were alone and even if it looked like the whole world was against us, we just did not care, because behind closed doors we had lots of fun together.
Because since the first moment we met, we talked with each other about everything. She would listen to what i said, and i would listen to her, and we both answered honestly with what we thought and not what the other wanted to hear.
We also respected our difference in culture and religion points of view, she was grown up as a Buddhist and i was a non believer or i was not busy with religion, that came later.
We never pushed each other to do something, we always supported each other with everything, even in our darkest moments, what we saw as a test. Those tests could make our relationship stronger or break, we understood that was up to us.
So we stood against both families, and the community and we latterly had not the right cards to get a good future, but we knew one thing, we only wanted to be with each other, and we both knew that the only way was to make a compromise about everything.
That saying the basic secrets are, listen to each other, become friends with each other and make sure that your partner will be your best friend, lover, teacher, student, colleague, debater, referee, fellow cook, fellow cleaner.
On the moment you can do everything with your partner and your partner with you, is the day that you are done with the world, because then you don'need anyone.
If you only knew how we live now together after almost 20 years, then you might not believe.
But ill say in a nutshell... me and my woman are every day with each other, we can see each other 24/7 if needed without the feeling that we want to be alone. It's the other way around, we want to be with each other and nobody else. That saying we don't mind seeing other people, but we prefer to stay with each other.
And when im gone or have to do something, then she will never call me to ask me where i am, she will wait until i return and other way around is same thing. But we almost never leave each other and are more together as a family with our two kids. In fact we go everywhere together, and our two kids are almost like us.
So we created a foundation in our relationship were both of us can grow as a person and we both support each other to grow further and as a family we do everything together.
Now the people who talked bad about us in the beginning have problems in there relationship and we are stronger and happier then every before. Sometimes i think how our relationship would have been, if the family and community not abandon us?
Maybe we would not have grown toward each other as what we did, if we did not have situation to overcome, i don't know. But i do know one thing, if a couple manage to overcome situation together, then they can overcome everything.
That saying, the basic secret is no matter what happen stand next to your partner, not behind her, or in front of her or above her, just next to her and show her that you have confident that she will make the right decision and that you will respect that choice, no matter if you are against it, unless you show evidence that it might be better to chose something else!
That's what i did in the past and still do on this moment, we never let others decide what was best for us, we always listen to ourselves and that guided us to happiness for almost 20 years.
Willingness to die and grow.
For me, it is when you know that you both grow with your journey of partnership in life. You improve your ways because you are supporting each other's drives and goals.
Imperfections are always present in humanity. The most important part is to embrace them and do something together to fill the gap of lack. When you both know that you are both supportive with each other, it is very comfortable to stay.
Another would be contentment. If you are contented with your partner and what she can provide, then there's no reason to look for other person. Same as on her part, if she's contented of who you are, what you can and cannot provide, and your attitude towards her. She will stay.
Sometimes, love is a very important matter in a relationship. But sometimes love do fade, this is the time where "consistency" and "commitment" to submit yourself to your partner. Even when things go rough, it is the best time to show love.
I believe in the saying I read in the internet saying :
"A man's faith is tested when he has everything and a woman's faith is tested when his man has nothing".
The first and most important secret is to maintain a very good communication between couples, to reach that understanding understanding to face any problem. Yes, if you have parajas it is synonymous with problems, but it is up to us to find the best solution that suits you and get the best result. It is also very important to keep the flame of active love, by this I mean that we should not fall into routine activities, since we can get bored, do different things to surprise our partners, every detail, every departure, we owe everything try in a different and better way than the previous one.
Respect and open communication. Being in a relationship does not mean you both become mind readers; if something is on your mind in regards to the other party just come out and say it. The other person will either respect what you're saying and work on it with you together or they will not, and if they do not then it may be time to reconsider that relationship.
Because in the end a relationship is a choice. If your partner is concerned about something they make a choice to bring it up, and you make a choice to either work it out or walk away and that's what makes a relationship long-lasting or not.
Make love at least once a week. You don't have to mark the calendar, and hopefully you don't have to mark it, but you have to make a conscious effort to make love at least once a week, no matter how tired you feel after work, or how much you do that week.
Making love is a way to maintain intimacy and establish closeness with your partner.
You should also take the time to just sleep and hug and kiss each other so you don't feel like having sex is just a task to be done.
For me, the basic secret for thing such long lasting love is "Trust". It's a very useful weapon against all the odds that came in to your relationship. Basically a relationship, is gonna test to how far you can goes with your trust issues, how far you can goes with your patient, how far you can hold yourself off your selfishness, and all this thing's requires something that only a wise adult have. For me, a relationship without a trust is a time bomb. How can someone stay in a relationship, but still suspected each other. Imagine you're in the middle of doing homework with your friend, but you partner thinking that you're cheating on them, even my dead granma know that thing's is a damn poison for someone's life.
Some wise word was saying that " If you love someone, you have to let them free, if they love you the same way you did, for sure they gonna come back to you, but if they didn't then you wasn't lost anything at all". By some reason, much reason actually, love can make people blind, people willingly to do anything for anyone they love, even when it's such a unreasonable thing's. That's why you have to be smart. Is a good thing to always thinking someone you love, but don't lost your self here.
Trust what your partner said about themselves. Where they wanna go, what they want to do, even if by somehow they cheating on you, your not loosing them, otherwise that a proven that they are not worthy of you. But still don't using your trust in excessive way, like when you're already have a prove that they did something wrong but you still believe them, then people would call you blind.
Use your trust wisely mate, you'll need it, because that what make your relationship goes well . . . .
The only secret in maintaining long-lasting relationships is the "commitment" between the two parties.
If the commitment is strong, and both are able to maintain it, the relationship will continue until any time.