I am in dilemma and confusion... I think am in love with two people at the same time, how do I decipher who I truly love and which one is ordinary lust?
I don't want to stay in relationship with two people at the same time

You might not be in love with any of them at all. Love is cursed by monogamy and that means that if you say you're in love, you're not supposed to share that love with anyone else.

You're not supposed to "think" that you're in love because when you're in love it's evident. You're friends know it, your parents know it in fact you can't hide the feeling of love and If no one has noticed all these things I just said then you're not in love.

But if you say you're in love with one person but you don't know who, My advice to you is to check between the two people, who's company do you enjoy most amongst them ?, who makes you feel happy effortlessly among them ?, who's relationship with you isn't based on just physical attributes like sex or money ?, which of them are you thinking about as you're reading this text ?, That's the person you love.

Hold onto that person because love is hard to find these days.


Hello Tuppence,

Thanks for the question.

From my little experience in life and also from watching those around me. I think it's safe to say it's possible to be in love with two different people.

I don't believe love has a monogamous tag to it, it's a feeling and sometimes it's possible to share that feeling with two separate people. The reason for this is that you might be attracted to two separate unique traits present in both parties and that makes you joyous, happy or satisfied when you are with them.

The thing you should be concerned with is how much you love them. The reason for this is that society has created a scenerio where situations like these are called cheating. And once you make this feeling of love open to both individuals, you stand the chance of losing both of them out of jealousy.

So you need to know the one you love more, when you do, you can easily keep that love aside and focus on the other. The feeling doesn't necessarily have to be lust. It could be love but a lesser variant of it, so dont write it off as lust. 


I have been opportune to counsel some people on issues like this. Most times the confusion comes when the both of them posses one character you like for a future partner but even we that , I believe every one has weaknesses and there are one you can tolerate and others you can't.

I will advise you take a piece of paper and write down the qualities you desire for a future partner. When you are done, also write down attitude you can't bear from a man. Then go ahead to study the characters you have written and compare it between the guys, the one will the better advantages, you go for him.

Outside your physical desires , you can ask God for a better choice. We humans only judge from the physical appearance but God check the heart and make a perfect suit.

You can also test their faithfulness .Genuine things are noticed only after passing through a test, even diamonds are tested with fire to authenticate their qualities. Just like the saying "true friends are noticed during a hard time in a man's life" so do true friendship.

Declaimer: am not a relationship counsellor, am saying the piece of advice from experience and knowledge I have gathered from issues relating this


Simple. Imagine both of them leaving you. To whom do you want to stay? Who do you want to leave and who will you run after to?

I think this is not a problem because you are just probably confused. You are confused about two persons being special at the same time. Take time off away from both of them and think about your decision. Contemplate and I hope you'll arrive with a good choice. 

When you realize who will you choose when both people will go, then you have your answer. You'll never realize someone's worth until they are gone so imagine both of them leaving you. Who do you want to stay and whose hand are you willing to let go. Think about that and your choice will be your answer. 


Imagine there is a fire and both are trapped in it. You can save both but only one at a time. Which do you save first? That is your priority and most likely the one you are really in love with.


I've never experienced being in love with two people at the same time. I've never even considered it to be possible. At least in my case, every time I've been infatuated with someone, it has felt like a single-minded kind of state where you can't stop thinking about your object of love. It is hard for me to imagine feeling that way for two people at the same time. Do you think about them at the same time? Or does your mind take turns obsessing with one of them? Or is it not like that at all?