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Question asked 3 years ago
What can i do with parents that are over protective?

Most people feel their parents are too protective, including me. If your parents constantly check your whereabouts and ask about your personal life repeatedly, you must take steps to communicate your needs productively. Try communicating your frustration, setting clear boundaries, and taking steps to reduce your parents' anxiety.

How do you communicate your frustration?

1. Choose and specify a safe time and place

The first step to dealing with overly protective parents is to have open conversations about your concerns. For the conversation to run smoothly, you must choose and determine a safe time and place to talk with your parents.

Choose a location that makes you and your parents comfortable. If you live together at home, the living room or kitchen can be used. If you don't live together, choose a neutral location like a quiet coffee shop so no one has the advantage of being a host.

Avoid all interference, turn off the TV and also get rid of your Smartphone. Don't choose a noisy location, like a bar or restaurant. For the conversation to be effective, the interference must be minimized.

Then choose a time that does not have external obstacles. For example, don't choose the time just before your parents go to work or sleep. Choose times when there is plenty of time to talk so that all parties involved can express their intentions. Afternoon or after dinner can be a good time to talk to your parents.

2. Use the statement "I"

It is so important not to blame parents when having difficult conversations. You must use the statement "I". Thus, start your sentence with the words "I feel" first. By this way, you focus on your feelings and emotions rather than giving an objective assessment of the situation.

When you communicate your feelings about the situation, do it clearly if you are talking about your views and do not emphasize objective situation assessments. For example, don't say, "It really feels like a burden if you check my whereabouts every five and 10 minutes when I'm with my friends." This will make your parents feel you are ignoring their position and making assumptions about their actions.

Instead, say something like, "I feel stressed when Mom and Dad often call and text when I'm outside. Looks like mom and dad don't trust me when I do things like that.

3. Communicate your needs and desires clearly.

Remember, you can't expect your parents to read your mind. When conversation becomes difficult, it is an important step to express your wants and needs clearly.

Ideally, what results do you want from this conversation? For example, do you want your parents not to call you too often when you are outside? Do you only want a few questions about your academic achievement or career plan? How can your parents receive it effectively? Think about what you want before starting the conversation. Have concrete goals and needs to express to your parents.

Express your goals in a firm but non-judgmental manner and respect. For example, say something like, "I'm very happy if mom and dad give space when I'm with my friends. I don't mind following curfews, but I would appreciate not having to reply to SMS and answer the phone every half hour."

Express your appreciation for your parents. The good thing about parents who are too protective is that they just want to love and protect you, and they can learn to express concern in a more productive way. Let your parents know that you appreciate that they love you and want the best for you.

4. Don't underestimate your father and mother

Even though it seems you are very annoying to face parents (father and mother) who are too protective, you should not underestimate their point of view. If you are trying to have honest and effective talks, consider their perspective.

Feelings, especially feelings triggered by anxiety, are subjective. Even though you might assume that your parents don't need to worry about mild colds that can become pneumonia, let them express their feelings without judgment.

Admit that you understand they are worried about you as their child.

The key to understanding parents is to identify why they feel that way. Try to understand the problem that triggers their overly protective nature. For example, if they are worried about your health, has one of your parents ever lost a family member or friend because of an unexpected illness?

Parents may have very good reasons for their fear based on their own experiences. While it's important not to let your parents' fears dictate your life, understanding the source of fear can help you in the future.

So therefore, you don't underestimate your parents who are too protective, and most importantly how you don't hurt them. Because they have many reasons to be protective of you. Look for ways and wise solutions so that you and your parents are always fine without hating each other.

Thanks and 

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