What seemingly small thing secretly destroys relationships over time?
5 Discussions

Not spending evenings together

It might seem insignificant but I believe a couple that spends their evenings online or watching TV or doing office work is sure to break up pretty soon.

Perhaps, I should say communication but I think spending evenings together encompasses it all.

Spending quality time with your partner helps you to bond. It creates that kind of bond that makes you think you can't exist without that person.

When both partners spend evenings together, it would be hard to keep secrets. I mean those juicy bits will always find their way into conversations especially when both partners are relaxed and comfortable with themselves.

It also promotes intimacy, and I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about cuddling, laughing at the mistakes made during the day, sharing frustrations about lousy bosses and all that.

So you see, spending just a few hours every evening with your spouse might seem insignificant compared to the many 'big things' but it's the one thing can make or break a relationship

3 more replies

I would say secrets, secretly destroy relationships over time. 

At least, it's one aspect in a relationship that I feel could be corrosive. 

I think openness in a relationship is important to an extent. Everyone has secrets, and perhaps not all secrets necessarily need to be exposed to a partner, but harboring too many secrets is not only corrosive to your relationship, it may be corrosive to you as a person as well.

I'll give you an example: (I've experienced this example personally)

Consider this: You are a private person when you are in the bathroom, and like to do your business alone, but one day, your partner just walks in the bathroom like it's no big deal. This may end up bothering you very much, as it did for me. 

  • Think about how damaging this could be to you, and your relationship if you kept it a secret that your partner was making you feel uncomfortable.

How I dealt with this situation was quite easy for me. I quickly told her she was violating a boundary of mine. 

She was not receptive in a good way. She felt, that because it didn't bother her, that it was ok for her to do it to others. This was a "difference of values and opinion". And a clear example of her lack of regard for my privacy. 

It's no coincidence that we're not together today, as we didn't get along very good, and I later found out about some major secrets she was harboring that didn't align with my values. 

I suggest, maintaining a level of openness with your partner. This will ensure that you both understand each others boundaries, and will be a healthy foundation for a healthy relationship.

This was a thought provoking question! 

I hope my answer helped!

In my own opinion i feel its getting too comfortable in a relationship. Its always good to keep the relationship exciting. Even if its not every single day of the relationship but at least be spontaneous sometimes.

A couple i knew a while back who were so in love and enjoyed each others company and were inseparable. Two years down the line and i noticed a crack in that pristine relationship. At times one would cone and complain just right after the other.

They were both complaining of the same thing and it was that they each had become too comfortable in the relationship and that they were still young but felt old in the relationship.

It was not long after, they separated and not amicably.

Lack of communication. When we have time in a relationship we fall into the error of thinking that it is not necessary to talk to the other person, tell him our concerns, how we did in the day. We fall into the habit or everyday life (another great enemy) and feel that we have said everything and that there is nothing to talk about.

Hence the long silence between the couple, which are not bad, as long as those silences do not feel heavy, uncomfortable. Normally, when a couple is in silence, they should enjoy it and feel that they have reached a fullness that only souls who have shared a long way.

If a person stops talking, there are many words and claims that accumulate, and at any time can explode, or in the worst case, let the incommunicado consume and we see couples who do not talk, even if they live together, or do not know the other. It is as if in a house, people stop cleaning it and dust accumulates everywhere. When you want to clean, it will be difficult to remove dirt from the corners, will be a hard work and uphill, which may not remove all the dirt.

Then, my recommendation is that people communicate daily, even if they are the simplest and stupidest things, that they say why they feel bad, what they like, what they don't! We can't stop thinking that the person next to us is not a fortune teller and that in order to be able to change something that he did badly or maintain something that he did well, he has to know, listen, what we think. Telepathic communication does not exist! You have to talk!


And dishonesty.