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What do you actually consider as cheating?
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People have a lot of ideologies when it comes to cheating. It means a lot of things to different people so basically, what one would consider as cheating may not be for another. According to the English dictionary, to cheat means to violate rules. So a student who for instance brings a mobile phone into an examination hall is considered a cheat even if he or she may not have used that phone in the course of the exam. A rule has been violated. One can cheat his/ her way into an office or a position by not following due process or stipulated pattern. In relationship however, cheating means a whole lot of different things especially because there may be no clear rules.

For people in relationships, cheating could mean unfaithfulness to one's spouse or partner. Again the degree of unfaithfulness that qualifies as cheating varies from one relationship to another. So, if for Mary and Louis unfaithfulness means coming home late from work without prior notification, it could mean bringing a concubine home for Rita and Davies even though Rita may have prior knowledge that Davies is seeing another lady. It wouldn't be counted as cheat until he brings her home. For very jealous partners, cheating could mean smiling at a stranger or greeting a friend warmly because they may see the stranger or friend as a rival.

Cheating generally would mean giving the time, attention, affection and resources meant for one person to another. If you spend more time with other females who are not just co-workers or colleagues because you don't enjoy the company of your partner, that I'd consider as cheating. When you choose to sleep with someone else because your partner is out of town, that is cheating. When someone else is getting the affection, attention and resources that your partner is supposed to be getting, that's considered cheating to me.

People usually feel cheated when they have to compete for your time, attention and affection with someone else who is often times considered a rival. Not until someone else feel threatened by our words and actions, they will not consider it cheating. A relationship where communication is lacking gives room for many assumptions. Some explanation would not suffice some acts. It's better not to put our partner in situations where they don't trust us. A relationship void of trust is usually filled with complications. As trust is the backbone for every relationship.

However, there are some people who feel insecure and consider everything you do without them as cheating. That actually is the result of jealousy and lack of self-confidence. True love doesn't choke up another person's time and space. That you love someone doesn't mean that you would be all over the person every time. Sometimes, people just need their space, their solicitude to help them retain their sanity and assess what their lives have been and how much progress or retrogression they've made since you crossed path with them. Some may need time alone with family and other friends. You have to understand them and their needs. That's what makes you a mature person in a relationship.

That you really love someone, doesn't mean that you will not be attracted to someone else. You have clothes for instance that you cherish so much. But does that stop you from admiring other clothes you see displayed in a mannequin in a boutique? No it doesn't. It only becomes cheating when you move beyond just admiration to having an affair with that person. What every partner should know is that the same qualities that attracted your partner to you are not visible to you alone. Someone else must have and are still seeing those qualities and virtues. Some other persons still would see them but your partner being with you, means that they choose you instead of the other person or people. Get their assurance that you're the one that they still are in love with. Focus on loving them and helping to bring the best out of them.

Some years ago, I was in a relationship with someone. Everything else was fine except for one thing. That is, I didn't have my freedom around him. He's always suspicious of me but I was really loyal to him. If I'm chatting on the phone with someone else other than him, his conclusion is that I am chatting another guy who probably wants an affair with me. If he calls me and I miss his calls let's say about three consecutive times, he'll flood my inbox with messages that he's not a fool. He knows what I'm doing. He's sure I'm refusing to take his calls because I'm with someone else. Every steps were a suspicious one for him. I had to keep explaining everything and reassuring him.

Even the people he accuses me of having or proposing an affair with, I knew them ever before he came into the picture. If I didn't date them then but choose him, what is the tendency that I'll do that now that I'm with him? If I end up chasing everyone around me away and cut off ties with them, who would I invite for my wedding? No friends to share in my joy because I've chased them all away. I had to call the relationship a quit because it wasn't healthy for me.

A lot of times, people who are suspicious of their partners are acting based on their past, just like my ex. Someone else cheated on them in the past and as a way of preventing future reoccurrence, they become overprotective and overbearing. It's irksome because a whole lot of times, they go about it the wrong way and actually drive their partners into the arms of someone else.

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5 Comments

Good question, a while ago I was working away a lot and I met a young girl who was insanely attractive and quite flirty. Even though she knew full well that I'm married.

I felt flattered by the flirting so stupidly didn't discourage it. Over time, the flirting got more intense. There was never any touching or anything but she would get up close and make quite suggestive comments. 

I noticed that she started planning out her schedule so that she'd end up with me at random times during the day, and at it's peak she even managed to organise it so that she sat with me on a flight home.

After I while, I realised that this was going to far and I was getting more and more tempted to do something with her.  So I put an end to it as politely as I could.

I guess, the whole point of the story is that I would almost classify this as cheating. But I would only say it was if I reciprocated in the flirtatious behaviour.

Cheating doesn't have to involve sex, there is such a thing as emotional cheating if you start developing a relationship with someone who isn't your wife. 

At the end of the day, cheating isn't black and white. And it often comes down to your partner and how he/ she feels about your behaviour. 

I could see that what I was doing could lead to cheating, and I could never betray my wife like that. 

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Any act that transgresses from the mind, to the physical.

Attraction is a naturally occurring biochemical response , that we all experience. So it's to be expected you will feel attracted to others who are not your mate.

When a person takes this to the next level, and become physical (in any capacity) or attempts to (in any capacity) then they are a cheater. In my opinion. 

I say, if they will kiss someone else, they will screw someone else. I discern no difference, and I am swift with dumping a cheater, with no possibilities for take backs. I make this very very clear at the start of a relationship.

I have zero tolerance for infidelity, and I think the world would be a better place if we all adopted this mindset. 

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I can clearly say there are a lot of things that people consider us cheating and it all depends on the perspective of the person itself. Cheating is big word and a bid mistake and that it hurts to see someone being cheated.

But, we'll never know what are the things that happened before it was made or was it made? I can say there are ways to trigger this and one example that I would like to explain is someone you don't love anymore but you can't let her go because you're afraid. You're afraid of how the world will treat you, especially you know that person is so destructive.

There are many things that people decided to keep it rather than saying it because it might hurt a lot of parties or probably a misunderstanding. But for me, there's a big reason why it is made. 

For me, you can consider it as a cheating when feelings are involved. You indulged your feelings into the other person.

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Cheating in a game contest or examination, you know when you are doing that. 

The same goes for relationships, 

If you need to hide it. Consider it cheating.

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Self-deception is the biggest deception for an individual. Such a deception can lead to extremes.

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