First off: WHY are making the anger wrong / do not want to be angry?
It is well-worth reflection: is it that you’re judging yourself and making yourself wrong for feeling angry, or is there actually valid reason for being angered because your rights and boundaries have been violated? Would it actually serve you to “not be angry” because you’ve overreacted, OR is the anger a form of guidance attempting to draw attention to where you may have neglected to stand up for yourself?
IF someone HAS violated your rights in some way - and that doesn’t have to be anything major, but could be as simple as a judgement, through which they are imposing THEIR ideals onto you and thus denying YOUR right to choose for yourself how to experience YOUR life - then the anger is a completely VALID response, and would be far better accepted/owned and listened to as council for how you need to conduct yourself to affirm your own self-sovereignty.
And if someone HAS violated you, it is completely selfish to try NOT being angry to “keep the peace” out of discomfort to face your own challenge of rising to exemplify self-love, VERSUS speaking it out to both affirm your own boundaries AND provide the other person feedback that their immature, misguided actions are causing harm to others through disrespect of your right to choose your own perspective and experience.
Now if they HAVEN’T overstepped any boundaries and it merely your reactivity to having your personal perspective challenged, it’s a different matter...
In that case, the necessary step to moving past the anger is to SEE AND HONOR THE TRUTH & VALUE OF THEIR PERSPECTIVE and its appropriate time and place.
Chances would be, you have judged it. Which is an immediate loss, not only creating disconnection from them and your anger, but literally makes you stupider by several neural connections in your brain from new networks of information.
Seek to understand, and integrate the perspective which stands in opposition to yours, and you not only transmute the anger into compassion, but open up to the full-spectrum of Truth between the two contrasting extremes and thus access entirely new dimensions of knowledge and wisdom.
So, there is not ONE answer to your question, but TWO POTENTIALS leading to two different paths of growth - if the mature response is chosen.
The power of these keys cannot be overstated.
It is normal to feel or get angry when someone hurts or offends you. The most important thing is getting out of that feeling of anger/pain/hurt. There are just a few things that can be done to stop yourself from being angry at someone.
Someone may express the feeling of stress that is felt except anger. As a result, many do not know how to express anger correctly.
Some experts define anger, the emotion that arises because of the perception of injustice, other experts say anger occurs when we do not get recognition and acceptance that we should deserve something. although there are many definitions expressed by experts, everyone agrees that anger is a negative feeling that makes it uncomfortable for those who feel.
Anger can be influenced by external and internal factors, namely biological, psychological, behavioral and social factors. All of this must be defined in the context of family, social, and peers. Blaming others is one indicator of anger.
Internal factors that influence anger include personality types, lack of problem solving skills, unpleasant memories, hormonal effects, anxiety, depression, hostility, pressure, agitation, nervous system problems. The presence of unpleasant conditions can strengthen anger and the ability to control yourself. While external factors include, negative parenting, environmental situations and factors (congestion, dog barking, noisy sura, etc.), peer effects and media, socio-economic status, social engineering. Some negative emotions can turn into anger, especially insecurity and embarrassment.
Anger is a natural emotion, but anger becomes a problem when it happens too intense, too often and not right to express it. Feeling angry too often and intensely can affect physical health. If anger occurs for a long time, then there is a part of the nervous system that works throughout the body, pressure on the body allows other health problems to arise.
So if you would love to healthy life, stop an angry with some body else right now!
Anger is dangerous and can lead to serious issues. I know its difficult to control your anger but we need to because the after effects of anger could be catastrophic. You could lose a good friend, break something, affect your health, create a bad impression on your image and so on. So we could see that Anger just leads to things that are bad there are no positive aspects that we could gain from anger.
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Hence its imperative that we have a control over our anger and ensure that we are in control of the situation when somebody is trying to irritate, conflict or is creating an unfriendly environment to bring out that anger from you.
Here are simple and easy tips that should help to mitigate Your Anger
- Pause & Think
Most of the time it is found that anger has been caused due to a confusion or an assumption of things. So before you start getting agitated and angry - its time for you to just Pause for a moment and think/reflect back at the situation. This should help you in giving some time to reassess the situation and things should be in control instead of just bombarding it out without spending a time to reassess a particular scenario.
- Just relax & Breathe
At times it's best to take a long breathe and just relax for the moment. I know the environment or position you would be into would not give you that time to just relax and breathe. But believe me, if you could just take that moment when you are having that heated discussion to just calm down this should help you in resolving things at the best possible manner instead of getting into a conflict.
- Take a break/Time-out
Discussions are out of control and you are on the verge of bursting out - then its best to just take a break and go have coffee/tea. This break will help you in bringing down your anger level and not only this it will also influence the other party to reassess the situation and will give time to both of you that you are not getting anywhere with this heated argument. A break can definitely help that anger go away - so next time when the anger is building upon just remind your self that you need to take a break and things should settle down.
- Try to see the other side with positivity
Normally when we are trying to see that its other fault - we will see all the mistakes and get angry. But if you flip the side and try to get into what went wrong instead of seeing others faults things would change and as result, the anger itself will not arise. Therefore try to see the other side with positive aspects not from a blaming angle as this could again result in conflict and further anger.
I, hope if you try to follow any of these listed pointers like pause and rethink, taking a break, relax and deep breathe, seeing the positive aspects will definitely help you in controlling the Anger and will also result into a good habit where people would start praising you that see how this person is able to control difficult situations in a very smooth manner without getting angry.
Good luck & Best wishes!!
I guess the most important thing is that we should think of why we are angry at a particular person. Usually anger is just a feeling that we can't control at times but it is jus a feeling
Being angry at others is somewhat the torture of our selves.
If we think of it really carefully, anger doesn't benefit anyone. Well, I used to be a very angry person who seldom controls anger. Whenever, I get angry I would just shout at a person. The battle of words usually last for hours and the feeling anger usually last quite long. It usually last for days.
Then I went to teach in school for five years. It trained my patients.. After five years of teaching at a school I was patient enough but not to the extend which could make myself less angry if I wanted to feel good. Then I started teaching even smaller kids. Those between seven to ten. These kids can cause real havoc in your mind. Sometimes they torture our minds so bad. My mind that's the one being tortured, I slowly found this calm.
I saw many articles saying that we should count to ten but I don't think it usually works as when we are angry, we won't be able to really think carefully. Another way is when we feel really angry, we should try to isolate ourself from. The source of anger. Then get our self to calm down before doing other things.. Doing this often can really calm ourself down.
It is a really difficult situation when we try not to be angry with someone. The person who is making us angry will insinuate us by talking loudly, throwing insults and the like but the more we argue, the situation will be far worse. So, it is better not to be irresponsible.
How not to be angry
I hope these tips help.
It's a normal thing to be angry towards someone if the person have wronged you in anyway. When you are now trying not to be angry with the person but you are still angry then you have to call the person and iron the issue out with the person in a way that will not cause another fight or another reason to be angry.
A times having issue with someone is like putting a stone in your pocket and trying to run at the same time, definitely it won't be easy for you to run with that stone in your pocket. For you to work freely you have to remove the stone its the same situation with been angry with someone, you have to speak out to remove the issue from your mind or else you can't freely talk or play with the person you are angry with. And atimes when you speak out you might discover that you are angry with the person for a wrong reason, that why you have to call the person and let the person explain the reason for his/her action.
The first step is to know exactly why you're angry. You can't deal with a problem when you don't know what it is. At this point, you need to be honest with yourself. Sometimes, we are embarrassed by the real reason we're angry and try to cover it with something else. Don't do that. Be honest with yourself and your feelings
The next step is to decide what would make you calm down. Be realistic and don't try to use this opportunity to oppress others. Sometimes simply telling the other party would help. Or it could be an apology. Or perhaps you need an action to be reversed/carried out.
Next, let the person who made you angry realise he/she is responsible. You don't have to engage in a shouting match or trade accusations. Just state your feelings in a calm way without blame.
This next part is the trickiest. If the person accepts his/her responsibility and apologizes, things usually go on smoothly. If not, you need to make a decision to let it slide.
You should know that no one is worth your personal peace. If after trying to deal with the issue, the other party remains adamant or you just can't get over it, have a little discussion with yourself. Remind yourself that you're in control of your feelings.
At the end, we're all responsible for how we feel. We sometimes simply have to make a decision and stick with it
Anger is a standout amongst the most hazardous feelings, which a human can understanding. It is on the grounds that we lose control of our internal identity and do things which we lament later on. It breaks friendship,sours relationship and achieves everything awful in any capacity possible.
Well fortunately, it is a human feeling and can be controlled and directed with the utilization of will power,practice and use of legitimate procedures.
Here I have proposed a few procedures to manage it.
Disengage yourself : Whenever you feel irate or feel that bothering motivation simply separate yourself from your relatives and others. Simply make some separation. The best thing you can do is to secure yourself a space for some time and let the steam stream out. You can likewise punch the cushions in the event that you need, simply given it a chance to out. It is on the grounds that you would prefer not to state things which harmed them and for which you lament later on.
Sweat your resentment out: It is an extremely accommodating procedure and works exceptionally well. Each time you feel the outrage coming substantial on you , do some physical exercise, for example, kickboxing,pushups,burpees,squats, bouncing jacks and so forth. Continue doing it until the point that you feel excessively worn out, making it impossible to feel irate. Utilize your indignation further bolstering your advantage.
Profound Breathing : Whenever you feel irate and upset practice profound breathing activities. Simply breathe in profoundly, hold your breath for some time ( tally upto 10 in the event that you can) and breathe out. It truly works. Serenade some blessed refrain in the event that you can or envision an excellent memory or picture or a heavenly image while you do as such. I envision OM image.
Eat or drink something : This is likewise a decent procedure. On the off chance that you feel furious eat something, ideally something sweet or drink a glass of organic product squeeze or water. An unfilled stomach can some of the time go about as an impetus in exasperating the passionate upheaval. So fill it in.
Tune in to hard shake tunes : Sometimes tuning in to hard shake melodies for some time helps in discharging outrage.
Keep in mind past encounters of your indignation: Another procedure which you can utilize is to relate the past encounters of your resentment. Attempt to recall: What things you said in your outrage ? , How much harmed you caused your relatives and others ? what's more, How much liable you felt thereafter ? Ask yourself : Do I need to feel like that again ? Is it justified, despite all the trouble ?
Keep in mind God : If everything else flops, at that point this is the final resort. Each time you feel furious simply recollect picture of God,hold it for some time and serenade a heavenly section or mantra on the off chance that you can.
One thing I do is whenever faced with anger in action (live), I just close my eyes within 10 seconds and feel my inner me. Believe it or not, my anger will vanish.
But whenever I get angry with someone I hate, I normally would like to go on a path that is not directed to him as I considered people who drains me (physically, emotionally, mentally) toxic. So, I unfriend a person or simply don't give some attention anymore because I am easily get disturbed and out of focus.
I just wanted them to be out of my life and focus on the things that makes me grow. Its the right thing to do. Instead of seeking revenge, I'll focus on improving myself without them.
In addition to the already provided answers
Being angry is part of a human nature and our ability to handle being angry can make us , it us to respond either positively or negatively. Here are few tips I believe can help stop us from reacting or getting angry.
1.know what exactly got you angry: it's funny a times to realize we get angry over matters that doesn't count or don't even know why we are angry at all. So before we get angry , it's good we ask ourselves why exactly we are angry.
2.when we know why we are angry, then try to know what resulted to it, in what state and which perspective did you all both judge it from.
3.after the above, assume there was a misunderstanding and if possible listen to the other person's point and judge if there is a little sense to it.
4.relax and try to make amend either from your perspective or his .
5.finally, understand offense will always come, and been angry is a choice
Anger comes as a result of unexpected feelings, your mind doesn't accept. The solution of anger management is simple. All you need to do is show patience. Patience is virtue. Patience can be done by changing your position. If you are standing sit down, if you are in sitting position stand up. Take some water Or in other words try to apply 6 seconds rules. Delay of 6 seconds is enough to control your feelings and mind.
Angry is human nature. and naturally humans are angry at the conditions in which someone feels hurt, and insulted. However, anger does not reflect wisdom. And that anger must be stopped and prevented as much as possible. If I believe that anger is from shaitan. and the verse is from fire. Then the fire will go out if it is doused with fire.
When I am angry, the first thing I do is if I am sitting, I wake up to stand up. and if my standing condition still hasn't subsided, I wash my face.
Based on the experience that I have done, I managed to calm down and stop anger in this way.