What would you say is the problem of someone who cannot make decisions himself ?
I've noticed a friend of mine who needs to seek people's approval before arriving at a decision. I don't think it's right. What do you think is the problem and what are the possible solutions?

Well decision making is something people find very difficult expecially when it comes to making decisions that will either make or Mar and one must choose no matter the outcome. I think your friend is plagued by uncertainty which in turn can be caused by fear.

When I say fear I meant it could be that he's afraid if he's going to make the right decision or not at as a result of this uncertainty caused by fear, he will always want to seek people's approval to see if he's on the right path.

The second reason will be inexperience; you see when one is accustomed to making decisions and they suddenly found themselves at the helm of making decision, when they're no even mentally or psychologically prepared it makes them unable to make these decision because they do not know what it feels like to be experienced and as a result of these they tend to seek people out.

The third reason will be too much people telling him what to do; you see your friend may be surrounded by people who are always contradictory, too much opinion to listen to and a result it will blur his ability to think and take a decision of his own making.

Check with him and see, these three reasons may be amongst the reason why he seem to can't make his own decisions.


I'd like to treat this question from two angles.

One, have you considered that your friend might just be trying to be as meticulous as possible in arrving at the most profitable course of action? Like they say, two heads are really better than one. And your friend may just be in need of a lottle validation before he or she undergoes a project. That is completely understandable.

But seeing as you said it the way you did, I would assume that it has become a perennial thing in which your friend can come to NO conclusion whatsoever on his own without seeking other's validation?

If this is the case, then the answer might depend on a couple of things. How often does this happen? And to what extent? For instance can he/she not do absolutely anything without others? Down to picking up a dress or deciding whether to go out or not? Or are they just restricted to making big life decisions, you know like when you wake up depressed as hell and wonder what the hell am I going to do with my life?

At any rate I think there may be a general cause associated to this.

First, it might be a case of a total lack of self confidence, which in turn, might be caused by a lot of things, among which are the experiences your friend might have had in the RECENT past. Certain events happen that are hard to move on from. Your friend might have made a really important life decision on his own that turned out catastrophic.

The fear, then, of making the same mistake twice, might have led to his being overly anxious and a little paranoid about even the smallest things. This might be why he would seek other's opinion to guide against the terrible experience of having the past repeat itself.

His need for validation, in this case, might just be nothing more than a defense mechanism against this anxiety.

Again this is just a conjecture. One scenario among many.

Anither reason might be a lack of self confidence which stems from FURTHER BACK in his life. Perhaps from when he was still at a very young age. Children are highly impressionable creatures; what happens while we're young stick around to haunt us as we get older in life, and some of them stay with us all our lives. Your friend might have been subjected to abuse at a young age, by peers, freinds, family, society as a whole, who have drummed it mulitple times in his ears that he is an inept human with absolutely no capacity to make a rational decision. Various scenarios might have confirmed this to him, and as a consequence he feels himself as they say: that he is incapable of making good decisions, and so remains a slave to the whims of others all his life.

Either way what I would advice is that you try to make your friend acknowledge that he has this problem, and that he should try to see somebody and talk to an expert about it. Like I said earlier, certain defenciencies stay with us and taunt us forever. Without receiving help from the right source, they can become full blown and stay with us our entire lives. God forbid this happens to your friend. Cheers.


He is obviously unsure and not very confident in himself. Maybe he has had everything done for him by his parents which is not great. he needs to grow up and realize decisions are important.

When we make decisions ourselves they are not always right and that is part of learning and growing as a person. You must have heard the saying"you learn from your mistakes". This is very true and no one has got everything right. If you choose the wrong thing and make a wrong decision you learn from it and move on. You rarely make the same mistake twice.

There is nothing wrong from getting advice from others but you need to have an idea in your head and have thought about it first at least. No point in asking someone for advice if you haven't at least thought about it.

I would suggest he has a large learning curve ahead of him.