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Should relationships be built on pity?
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Sincerely no, in fact a thousand times No.

Love is such a beautiful thing that everyone wants it. We could be blinded by the illusion of pity and then mistake it for love. While it is very okay to show empathy or compassion toward others, it is very easy to mistake this for love. love is enduring and patient. Everyone wants someone who would be there for them through the thick and through the thin. We believe that one who will not leave us in our darkest moments will stick with us forever. Sometimes we want to reciprocate what they've done for us by getting into relationship with them or maybe into marriage only to find out that we've set a trap for them and for ourselves.

It's very okay to show pity to someone. It still shows you have humanity left in you. But don't go to the extent of paying with your life. That they were of help to you in the past when no one else was is no indication that it was born of love. It could just be pity. We pity people because we assume that could be us. Putting ourselves in their shoes, we know how they feel, maybe we've been there before and so can relate well with their situation. Maybe we just can't help it because we would love others to reach out to us too if the table happens to have been turned. But I tell you my dear friend. Don't do this without a balance. Some people help others out of pity without anything else attached but the recipient of the help may mistake it for love. Love with your heart but take your head along.

Pity should not be a basis for a relationship whether you are the one receiving or on the giving side. A few years from now, you will feel trapped. You or your partner will feel suffocated and irritated by little things that never did matter to you about the person. Then the person will take it that you have changed and stopped loving them. They will become a burden such that you will begin to endure instead of enjoying your relationship with them.

Now, look at the bigger picture. Do you know how many years there are in forever? Marriage is supposed to be till death do you part, that is if you are already married to the person. How do you intend to live through the day, every day, every week, wishing that things would change and you could have your freedom or maybe at least see or hear them die so you could be relieved of your burden. For sentimental reasons, we do have Pity or compassion on people. This shouldn't be to your own detriment. Don't tango with them. Otherwise, the good you intend doing now will be interpreted as bad tomorrow.

Few years ago, I met someone. I truly was attracted to him until we got close. Close enough that he shared his heartaches with me. His eyes were streaming tears as he shared his story. Maybe he didn't know that I did notice that. I felt totally sorry for him. Sorry for what he was going through especially because he was much older than myself. He just couldn't help it. His heart has been heavy for long and he's been looking for an opportunity to unburden himself. You know what it feels like when you're going through so much that it looks like the world was closing in on you and nobody to share with. I tried my best to comfort him with words.

In my quiet time, I would pray for him. Few months down the line, I was in a relationship with him. I never thought I would because prior to this time, he had asked me out but I refused. His tears changed the game. I thought it was love until about a year later. Each time I decide to quit, he'll bring in tears and I'll change my mind. There were times we even cried together. I felt bad for him. My sister told me clearly that I wasn't in love with him. I only felt pity for him because of his situation and by the time reality dawns on me, it might be too late. Not like I haven't seen that for myself but I wasn't willing to admit. The scales eventually fell off my eyes and I took the exit door. I don't want someone feeling like they owe me their life simply because I was of help to them. That isn't love. I don't want to stay in the relationship simply because I had pity for him. That's not love either.

Humans are very skilled at deception. That's why we have movies. They act it out so well that you could even mistake it for reality. Some people know that that is the only way to get you. That's the only weapon with which they can assess your heart. Others will deploy every arsenal within their reach just to make sure you do their biddings. In the story I shared above, it was so bad that I was almost losing myself because I wanted to help.

Some people like to play victim because they love the attention it brings them. Thus releasing them of their responsibilities and putting it on someone else. What a cheap way to attract attention. For some others, it validates or justifies their tears and other reaction, making it seem like it isn't their fault, thus taking the blames off them. Don't let people drain you with their personal burdens and then get you trapped into thinking it is love. Soon the desire will fizzle out when you realize that you are not compatible at other levels. If you make a mistake of dragging them or having them drag you into marriage, they will begin to resent you. They will hate you for this.

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3 Comments

NEVER. Relationships should never be built on pity but love. A relationship is an agreement between two people who wish to come together as one. A relationship built on pity would never be a happy one. You will feel trapped for the rest of that relationship. I once had a friend who was dating a guy because he told her he lost his mother when he was young, he lost his Uncle who decided to cater for him and lost all people who came close to him. He told her he loved her and he didn't want to lose her. He even cried while explaining his ordeal to her. My friend felt pity for him and decided to date him. She was never happy throughout the relationship. Whenever anything happened, he will always whine and cuss saying nobody loved him and he wished he was dead and all that sort of trash. She felt obligated to love him and suffered for the rest of that relationship. It was like torture, hell. I have had people tell me, "I cannot live without you Juliet" and I tell them to go and die, lol, that may sound wicked though but the truth is, they never die. Never ever should you feel obligated to someone. Never ever should a relationship be built on pity as you will never be happy in the relationship.

Let him/her go and the right person for him/her will definitely come through. They will find the right person for them. Let them go. 

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11 Comments

Pity doesn't stand a test of time, that is why it is not recommended to be a basis of any relationship. If you really want to help especially in such state of pity, solve the person's need by either advice or kind especially when it's inclined by need.

For a relationship to success, the both partners need to be happy with each other's company. I know sometimes we are pushed by emotions but it do be a great mistakes selling out your happiness to fill up guilt.

The implications doesn't come all of a sudden , it develop gradually until you get to a point of being frustrated and it hamper your chances of a dream relationship you had hoped for.

Pity isn't love

Pity can't satisfied for happiness

So why encage yourself by pleasing another out of guilt and pity.

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My answer is NO. Pity is a feeling of compassion towards the other person who may have experienced a difficult time or situation. But it is never a good foundation to start your relationship in the first place. A relationship does not thrive based on pity. It will not sustain nor withstand all odds and problems and difficulties a relationship is bound to experience. It is a frail hope for a relationship to endure the tests of time. Love itself sometimes proves to be insufficient to hold a relationship together. It takes more than love to keep a relationship. How much more if it is just born out of pity? It must be built on friendship, mutual respect and understanding. And slowly you learn to trust one another. This will give you the time to enjoy your journey. These attributes are what should bind a relationship and never PITY. At the end, it is ultimately your commitment to one another inspite and despite of so many things that will try to break and tear you apart that will keep your relationship to last. Good luck to a happy and steady relationship.

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Thank you for the question. I want to say that Relationship should never be built on pity. Relationship is a sacred thing. That comes from the hearts of two people. Relationships are based on many things. And the reliance on which reliance is belief.

I'm discussing ways to establish relationships below

Believe

 Relations depend on faith If there is no faith, then it can never be established.

Honesty

 The second thing I would say is honesty. The reliance on honesty depends largely on it. It is not possible to establish relationships if there is no honesty.

love

 Love is at the root of the relationship. It is possible to find everything in the world with love. If there is no love, then it is not possible to establish a relationship. Therefore, love is essential for establishing relationships

Behavior

 Relationship between behavior and reliance depends on a lot. If a person does not have good behavior, it is not possible to establish a relationship with him. Therefore, good behavior is needed to establish relations.

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Relationship should never be built on pity. This is because if any relationship is built on pity, it will require more pity to sustain it.

For instance, if a girl stick to a guy because she thinks that if she leaves him, he will hang himself. Meanwhile, the guy is not making any effort to improve on his life, then that girl is making a huge mistake.

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There are several foundations to which a relationship should be built upon like love, respect, honesty, integrity and all other positive feelings. Pity should never be a building block of a relationship. This is going to result in a toxic relationship later on. Once one is only staying in a relationship because of pity, there should be no more reasons to stay at all.

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By this you mean one party, being with the other because of pity and not because of actual feelings of love or genuine interest. The answer is a big no. And here are three reasons why;

* The relationship won't last: If you are looking to go into a relationship for the purpose of getting married, you should pick someone you genuinely like and value. Just because you feel pity for the person, does not mean you should say yes. Problems will occur and since you weren't all that interested, you will abandon ship.

* You will be miserable: Being with the right person for you makes you happy. And when you aren't with your choice, you start feeling miserable and frustrated.

* Double dating is bound to occur: You end up hurting them, because there is every tendency that you will start looking outside for happiness.

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Absolustely not. You can not guilt anyone into loving you. Even if you do manage to do it the relationship will be so short lived it would just be sad. 

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