The effects of divorce are devastating, life-changing, and, in many cases, irreparable.
The trauma our children experience, especially if they are too young to understand the reasons and probable advantages of their separation, is beyond adults’ understanding.
No matter how categorically people tell you that are not and will not be the first or last to go through it and that children overcome it sometimes faster than adults, divorce is one of those things that must never happen.
Of course, if we could go back in time, we’d have to obliterate the causes of the divorce, which in many cases are related to marriage itself. Some people are not meant to marry, let alone have kids. We marry for many reasons, few of which are related to unconditional love. But assuming that the marriage was driven by love, but love got corrupted on the way, it would be nice if you could go back and work out the differences or dissatisfactions that led us to the heartbreaking separation.
Even though in some cases (I don’t dare to guess the percentage) divorce may be the best and only option (violence, vices, etc.) and both parents and kids are better off in their new lives, in most cases divorce leaves undeletable marks, marks that affect our future relationships and those of our children. Adults tend to become more skeptical about love everlasting; we tend to become more pragmatic, less driven to impulsive decisions or actions. It can get increasing harder for us to trust other people and the anticipation of future breaks can complicate the involvement and investment that is expecting from us in the next relationship.
But, children are the ones to carry the heavier load. They will have a hard time understanding the reasons for their parents’ separation and accepting divorce as something normal. They can also have a hard time accepting their parents’ new partners and if they have to live with step-siblings serious issues can ensue.
In my case, my two daughters get along fantastically with their step-sister and with my wife, but the little one (10) still refuses to let me go completely. She wishes I could spend more time not only with her and her sister, but also with their mother. She even asks me if I cannot stay in their place and sleep with them. Obviously, she has not internalized the finality of divorce. She is still, after 8 years, in denial.
We see each other sporadically and that distance has affected our relationship considerably. There are so many things that we miss from each other’s lives. There are so many events that we “skip,” so many hard times we have to figure out without each other. The transformation my 16-year-old had was total. She grew insecure, self-destructive, aggressive, erratic, and tends to behave as if she could not care less about everything.
Of course, it did not help that my separation from their mother was an ugly one and that their mother and I have not been able to settle most of our disputes and get along with each other (the reasons do not belong here). Thus, it would be safe to say that the effects of divorce can be directly proportional to the level of animosity between the parties involved. The healing and reconstructing of lives gets easier the sooner the parts are able to forgive and forget and make amends to facilitate moving on with their lives and keeping the children as loved and protected as possible.
Divorce has various effects especially on the children of the divorced (that is, if they have/had any).
If they have kids, it would be difficult to decide which parent a kid should be with. Whoever the kid eventually decides to be with, it means he/she will be losing the love of one parent.
Divorce is really bad and it has negative reasons on the affected, one of which is psychological.
The obvious effects of divorce can be emotional distress by all parties. There are financial effects as well. Now there are two households incurring expenses instead of one. When children are involved there is often animosity between the parents, which is communicated to the children. But to say that a divorce should never happen is not realistic. In a home rife with domestic violence, the abused spouse, and most definitely any children subject to seeing this abuse, deserve to have a home that is their sanctuary, not a battle ground. A safe environment with one loving parent is much preferable to living in fear and constant turmoil. Even if the situation is not so dire as domestic abuse, when partners are not happy, or even miserable, in the marriage, you are wasting your only life. The efforts of going through a divorce can be almost a relief as compared to spending an entire lifetime in a bad marriage.
I have personal experience with both sides of this question. The side where the mother stayed in the marriage "for the sake of the children" even though she suffered years of physical abuse. That was my childhood. I can guarantee that I would have much preferred the divorce, and living with my mother in peace. The other side is my own divorce. We were married for 28 years and raised two boys. But after the boys were raised, I realized nothing else was keeping us together and I was miserable. Life is too short to be miserable, and while we tried various things to save the marriage, it wasn't happening. We divorced 14 years ago, and 6 years ago I remarried to my soul mate. My ex has recently became engaged and they seem very happy. By divorcing, we are both happy and remain friends. Had we stayed together, I hate to think of what kind of life I would be living now.
Pain. Sadness. Embarassment.
Or happiness and liberation.
Or a bit of both.
And quite possibly one's net worth halving, if there was no prenup. ha!
Divorce is never a palatable experience or decision. Indeed, marriage was to be enjoyed and not to bring pains. Whenever issues in marriage boil to the extent of enacting a divorce, then, certainly, the parties are deeply hurt.
Divorce hurts all parties involved in the marriage - the man, woman, relatives, friends and the children (if any).
To the direct parties (man and woman), divorce surges a sword of hatred into their hearts. Where care is not taken, such forgiveness may grow deeper roots than can be imagined. Some may even lose their sense of worth and esteem with other psychological trauma than may not be explainable.
TO families, divorce may mark wrong and erroneous record about a tribe, country, people where the affected in-law originates from. It may also cause distrust in friendship and family relationships.
To children, the effect of divorce is compounding. Such victims have to go through parental imbalance all through their lives. Some may never see anything good in parenting and this can be so disastrous.
In its entirety, divorce has no good report in the now and the future and should be discouraged.
There is nothing good about divorce unless the couple should be apart for obvious reasons like lack of love.
Some people can move apart and it is not the same anymore. this can happen unknowingly and it can become irreparable. Just living together I feel is far worse than being divorced. it leaves you with hope that will never happen and your life is constantly on hold.
If you have young children it can effect them psychologically and they should be the most important part of the divorce. Making it amicable would be the best way for all involved. Leaving as friends in a civil way is not always possible though.
Divorce has more negative effects than positive ones. It could affect the children, the splitted couple, and even the society. On the other hand, divorce could save a couple from a bad marriage due to so many reasons such as domestic violence and other related vices.
There's an adage that says if two elephants are fighting the grass will also suffer. This is the case when there is a divorce. The children will be a victim of the circumstances. They would suffer from various emotional traumas which could manifest in mood swings. It may even get to the extent that they may isolate themselves from the people around them and it would affect their emotions. In fact, the affected child would prefer to spend time alone probably because of the fear of being abandoned by friends and family, just like the Dad did to the mom or vice versa.
In relation to the society, it takes two to tangle. It takes the collective efforts of the father and mother to train a child to be useful for the society. When the parents are separated they would not be able to give the child full moral support, spiritual growth and so on. If all these are not put in place the child would be a pain in the ass for the society.
Divorce can be devastating. Three people are involved in a typical heterosexual partnership - husband, wife and kids. For the two adults, divorce can be both emotionally and financially taxing. In the developed world, cost of lawyers and attorneys can be a big financial burden and then to top it all up, the settlement amounts can also be a big hole in the pocket for the one paying. In developing countries with slow court process, the time delay of getting a divorce completed can take a toll on personal lives of people, as they are neither in nor out of the relationship. Plus the distress of dissolving the relationship with someone with whom you had decided to spend the rest of your life. very difficult.
however, the most difficult will be for the kids. At that age, they will not understand relationships or marriage, forget divorce. Kids will be most affected by the decisions of both parents and if for some reason, one parent decides to badmouth the other in front of their kids, kids can question the other gender, the concept of relationships and marriage for the rest of their lives. They may not want to commit for the rest of their lives and will suffer from that fear forever, unable to be in a fulfilling relationship. However, not all is bad. An amicable divorce may actually be best for both parties that don't have kids or have kids that are quite grown up.
Divorce to me is not a good thing to do. Especially as a Christian of which Christianity happens to be my religion. My religion does not support that.
As a Christian, no amount of misunderstanding is supposed to lead to divorce as it is not Godly. God cannot be happy with us when we divorce our partners.
Divorce in my own opinion could lead to some amount of Frustration, Hatred, Depression. Divorce also affects the children if the couples had actually had a child or children. It makes children tend to be way-ward. Most children raised with single parents also take the Hand of God to be discipline. Most kids might also at a point in life want to divorce their partners too just because of a little misunderstanding they have experienced with their partners.
Divorce also makes people think that no one is capable of being faithful or worthy to be loved and this is a psychological effect on them.
Personally, I have come in contact with people who think that true love does not exist. And this set of people happen to look at people who confesses love to them from a different point of view.
To me, I do not support divorce. So we humans should try with all amount of effort to be faithful, loving, caring and compassionate with our lovers.
The absence of trust that divorce instills in the children could be wrecking or devastating.. Regardless of whether the parents endeavor to see them and keep things great, it makes for a temperamental world for the child.. Misery and
change are inescapable. Poverty may actually follow divorce.. Habitually, the man remarries and just contributes some portion of his pay to his previous family. The lady will be unable to compensate for any shortfall. That implies an increasingly perilous neighborhood to live in , go
to class in , shop in, and so on. Her kids will make companions with other people who are battling and poor. They might be left unattended for more hours and cause harm. Nourishment, restorative consideration, instruction, everything
goes downhill. Thus, a steady marriage is fitting for the joy and prosperity of everybody included. Separation ought not be messed with in light of the fact that its impacts continue forever.
That you are no longer married....
@Haryourdhejih, For sure the definition for marriage changes for particularly example in this aspect, if particular couple have children and they decides to separate then the life of children will going to affect to deepest levels and for whole life that question mark and pain will stay their. Stay blessed. 🙂
Divorce has more effect on the children, the children will have emotional trauma especially when they don't have love from both parents.